Zachary Loeber

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Chicago Commuting Dictionary: The Pretty Train

2010-11-08 2 min read Chicago Commuting Other Zachary Loeber

The Pretty Train – In my previous definition I described the extremely early, zombie-warrior-commuter filled  Ugly Train. You will be surprised to find out that not even two hours after the ugly train takes its passengers towards their daily penance of work and suffering, a diatonic opposite happy transport on rails totes its gleeful passengers to and from the exact same locations. This, my friends, is the pretty train!

After you roll out of bed after 10 hours of sleep, enjoy watching the morning news, nibble slowly on a crumpet while sipping tea, spend 30 minutes to get your hair ready, and maybe do some self affirmation exercises, you might wish to stroll down to the train station and watch the group of starburst commercial actor commuters waiting for their ride of awesome. The difference between the ugly and pretty trains is like the difference between the sounds of gun shots in a bad neighborhood at 2am in the morning and the sound of a bottle of beer opening in a miller commercial.

In these hours of the day at the train station everyone has a group of some sort and are fully awake. They are waiting for their trip on the amusement ride that is the pretty train! You might even witness several people patting each other on the back for being and looking so cool. There will almost definitely be some peacocking about for a pretty young man or woman’s attention. There is bound to be at least one or two groups of the ultra cool who refuse to sit when the train arrives but rather will discuss deeply moving topics like their favorite coffee or their fantasy football stats while standing up the entire time.

If these commuters are not actively engaging in conversation, playing breakout on their blackberries, or reading some expensive newspaper on their iPad, then they will be pretending to work. In any case all the riders are fully rested and in general tend to be better looking than on any other train as they have had their beauty rest. This train is like a beer commercial where everyone looks AND feels better than you.

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